Is the mind and gut always right?
The day wasn’t rainy nor was it dark and gloomy but it should have been given the truths that were to be told that day. People often say that honesty is the best policy but is it? What if honesty tears you apart and leaves you lonely, sad, miserable and disappointed. What if ignorance is what makes you feel safe and snuggles you like a blanket on a cold winter’s night? Is honesty over rated?
He gave the world the impression that all was well. He lavished her with gifts, he rubbed her feet, he took her on cruises and treks in exotic parts of the world, he cried with her and he laughed with her. Under it all though he lied, cheated and ignored the things that truly mattered. She on the other hand ignored the signs, kept believing that he would change. Each time he erred, or more accurately, each time he was called out on his lies, laziness or bastardly cheating ways he promised that “better will come”. Those words which sounded like those echoed by lying, thieving Third World politicians cut her core being because she knew he would never rise to the occasion. His lack of interest in any and everything exciting was too ingrained; his taking her for granted was par for the course and never to be changed. Her belief that she was trapped in a sand box with both the intoxicating smell of roses and the piercing of their thorns was deep in her psyche.
What should or could she do?
Yes there are those who would say she should get up and go. Start life over while she was still young and able to be swept off her feet without a crutch holding her up. There are others who would say she should stay because what she had was more than others even dreamed of. But was it enough for her? Relativity is great in physics but does it hold its own in matters of the heart and of one’s happiness?
That day that should have been rainy keeps coming back to her in huge chunks, attacking her sensibilities because it was another day when he had another confession about his infidelities. He speaks so eloquently and hangs his head in shame in a way that compels her to forgive him. But something tells her that he is really a lying son of a bitch; a greater leech and noose than those before him who did not hide their scum-like tendencies and pretend to be an angel. As she thinks about it she remembers that Satan was also an angel so he is an angel: his pretense was not a lie. She can get past the cheating and lies but she cannot get the thought out of her head that she
deserves more, more for her soul and for her spirit. If only he would act when in trouble. Instead he found ways to make her out to be the bad one even when he was the one thrusting his member in anyone who would give him the time of day. No matter their station in life he was ready, willing and able to be the village ram. Lepers, whores and misfits need not worry because he had no problem being their jockey.
With it all she stayed, she allowed him to tell her that statistically speaking his cheating was less than the average male from their dark remote part of the earth. While she cried her eyes and heart out, he offered no comfort but instead chided her for being a drama queen and pointing out that at least he was being honest in telling her of his adventures.
Everything screamed at her to run, to save her soul because a leopard never changes its spots but she feared the unknown valleys of loneliness, embarrassment and starting-over-from-scratch. I recommend to her that she does a SWOT analysis but she is too afraid of the results so she will stay and hope.
God alone knows what he will do this time but if history is to be believed he will take
her to dinner, be her jockey (award winning) for a few nights, then get annoyed that she is not moving along and away from her sadness fast enough. He will show her who is boss the same way he always does. Is she ready for him this time? Let’s hope so because after a while she is nothing but a pathetic being downtrodden by one of the many scums of the earth who deserve nothing better than to be struck with a good for nothing toothless hag who gives him just what he deserves.